The Subtle Self-Sabotage

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The Subtle Self-Sabotage

If you don’t feel like you are accomplishing certain aspirations or getting ahead in life, it’s time for
self-care. You might be currently sitting in a state of procrastination and you don’t even realize it.
Self-sabotage is when we actively or passively take steps to prevent ourselves from reaching our goals.
This type of behavior or negative mindset can negatively impact every aspect of your life from relationships to career goals. In addition, this cyclical type of behavior can lower your self-esteem.
Whether we admit it or not we have all self-sabotaged one time in our lives. Why do we do it?
Lack of self-worth is one. We don’t believe in ourselves or our abilities to succeed. We need to feel in
control therefore we accept the negative outcome even if it’s not what we want to happen. Perhaps it’s
even the fear of the success. That new role in the new job may put more pressure on your personal home
life that the thought of getting the new job stresses you out. When we start getting closer to achieving a
goal, we may start to inadvertently do things that stop us from achieving this goal. We can justify
procrastination or not preparing as we’ve already accepted that we won’t succeed.
Although you try to make changes and disrupt these patterns, somehow you end up in the same place,
again and again. If all of this sounds familiar you could be doing the subtle self-sabotage.
How do you rise above all of this, stop the negative patterns and placing blame elsewhere?
Hold yourself accountable. Knowing that you are engaging in self-sabotaging behavior is
the beginning to the end of the negative cycle. Tell your friends or family members
what your goals are so that you have support and more positive self-esteem.
Friends and family would love to assist you in your goals so
keeping those goals secret could continue to negatively
impact you.

Changing this ‘normal’ pattern you have may leave
you somewhat anxious. Fears of feeling ashamed
or embarrassed if you fail may come rushing in but
you must think positively. Sometimes this happens
because we have internalized situations from a
childhood experience or something our parents
or friends may have said to us.
Stand in your own integrity. Some of my clients
utilize coaching as a means to hold themselves
accountable because the coach is holding
them accountable. Work a list of all the things
that are holding you back from achieving your
goals. Work with a coach or a mentor to take
the initial steps to move towards a more
positive or successful goal. Our critical
inner voice is formed from our early life

Remember, failure is ok too and
it happens to everyone. We can’t
always be perfect, and we don’t
always get what we want. But happiness is one thing we all deserve.

Allison Feehan
Allison Feehan
N.D., D.Psc, CRMT Owner of Integrative Healing and Wellness 732.202.6797 523 Main Avenue Bay Head, NJ

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